what i’ve learned from heartbreak
This past year has been a year of healing, learning, and growing. I went through a breakup a little over a year ago, and there are many many lessons I’ve been keeping in the notes app on my phone (lol) that I’ve learned from that time. As I reread them today, I was inspired to write a little about it.
Breakups are hard. And if you’ve been through one or are currently going through one, my heart aches for you. And I understand.
Believe me when I say that I never thought I would heal or get through it, and it was me a year ago searching for answers and guidance on how to just get over it. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore, and I just wanted to move on. Obviously, moving on is not as easy as watching a TikTok on how to get over your ex or deleting all the pictures of him off your phone.
There was a LOT of prayer, sitting with my emotions, processing different situations, and reflecting on that time. I wrote a lot of songs and filled a whole diary with my thoughts about it. And I’m going to share some key points of what I’ve learned from heartbreak.
(Disclaimer: This is not a sermon in any way, shape, or form lol. These are just thoughts that I’ve had along the way straight from the notes app on my phone that I typed up through the tears, unedited. haha)
Dear future Taylor,
There is someone out there…
You’re going to meet someone one day who wants to give you the world and go on adventures with you. Someone who will desire to reassure you and let you know that they love you. Someone who will care about you the same way you care about them and more. Someone who won’t want to give up on you. Someone who will love you well because they love the Lord well. Someone who won’t check all the boxes (because only Jesus can) but their life will be evidence of living a life in God’s love. Someone who will love you despite yourself not checking all of the boxes. Someone who is praying for you. There is someone out there. Hold onto that.
It’s okay (and necessary) to cry and to hurt.
It’s okay to hurt and to cry until you can’t. You’re allowed to feel and to sit with that feeling, but be careful not to stay there forever. You spent a lot of time with this person. You gave parts of your heart to them. You have a lot of memories and laughs and shared inside jokes and pictures. It’s going to hurt. Don’t ignore that pain or try to push it down. It’s okay to feel. And trust me when I say that even though the pain may feel like it will last forever, it won’t.
The first few days
I didn’t know that losing your appetite was real until those first few days. You’re not going to want to believe it. You’re gonna be staring at your phone waiting for them to call. The memories are going to resurface and you’ll question if it was ever real. You’ll question how they could forget when it was so good. You’ll make yourself feel stupid for being with that person. But you’re not stupid. They were amazing, that’s why you chose to be with them. Get past those first few days. Those are the hardest.
Don’t hold onto the bitterness.
Don’t hold onto the bitterness. It’s not doing you or them any good. Remember why you chose them. Remember that they are also a child of God just like you, figuring out what they want, just like you. Live in grace. Give them the same grace the Lord gives us.
Don’t apologize for loving hard.
You have such a loving and gentle heart for others. Don’t feel like you made a mistake in showing the person you cared about how much you care about them. Write them the notes, buy them the things that remind you of them, and tell them how much you appreciate them in your life. Do whatever you do to show them that you care. Don’t back away from caring. Don’t do it. One day, you’ll find someone who you can show how much you care for them without feeling weird or small about it, and they’ll be overjoyed when you bake them cookies or leave silly notes on their car. Don’t apologize for how you love.
Depend on the Lord, not a relationship.
You don’t realize how dependent you become on someone for happiness, comfort, love, assurance, etc. until that person isn’t in your life anymore. The breakup reminded me how much I was not dependent on the Lord for all these things. It reminded me that I needed to depend on God for joy, comfort, love, and acceptance. Not a boy. Not a boy who also needs to figure out how to be dependent fully on the Lord. It made me realize how much I needed to grow and I’m thankful for that.
There is a lot more to this than just these 6 points haha.
But overall, I hope you take away the main fact that the Lord’s timing is perfect. I found myself asking God, “why?” a lot. And I wasn’t meant to know the answer in that moment. But looking back, I know I wouldn’t be the girl I am today without going through that breakup and that relationship. And I’m thankful that the Lord has shown me what it looks like to depend on Him and to walk with Him.
Okay, I hope you know we’re best friends now because that was very vulnerable :)
Love ya!